I served almost 8 years in the US Air Force. They were 8 great years and I am very glad I made the decision to serve.  I met some of the finest people I have ever met in my life, as well as some total knuckleheads.  Most of the leaders I served under were in my opinion mediocre at best to absolutely lousy.  But a few were stellar – as good as I have ever seen. I’ve already talked about Henry Kitts and Raymond Caldwell; now I want to tell you about Brenda Mangente.

I served with Brenda in Spokane, Washington in the early 1990s.  When Brenda was assigned to our office, we were a group of older, experienced, enlisted white guys led by two much older civilians.  Brenda was a young lieutenant on her first duty assignment and she was thrown into our office because they needed a place to put her in our squadron.  The civilians that ran our shop did not want her around and we (the enlisted guys) did not know what to make of her.

Brenda was diverse on so many dimensions. She was young, female, single, Pilipino, inexperienced, an officer, and an academy grad at that.  Being a graduate of the USAF Academy makes officer elite even amongst their peers.

The civilians never accepted her, even after she made captain, but all of us enlisted guys grew to respect Brenda and almost all of us genuinely liked her.  It is what Brenda did that made her special and in my opinion showed her brilliance as a leader.

Brenda rolled up her sleeves and went to work alongside us.

She was an officer, which meant she was in charge.  All of us took that as a matter-of-fact and she never once made more or less of it than it was.  She was always professional yet personal and never arrogant or pretentious.  But we all knew, including Brenda, that when she arrived she did not know a darn thing about what we did.

Brenda was resolute in her consistent effort to eliminate that gap and to make a legitimate contribution to the work that we did.  Like all the best leaders I have ever had, Brenda was present, available, authentic, trustworthy, and helpful.  In the process of working alongside us doing “the dirty work”, she earned our respect and trust.

Respect is one of those things that too many managers and leaders think they are entitled to because of their experience, position or title.  The paradox of respect is it is only something you can give away.  Respect should never be demanded or even expected.  It must be a goal for every leader, but the path to the goal makes all the difference.  To the extent you sow respect in the lives of others, you will reap respect in your own.

We never expected Brenda to respect us.  She just did it because for whatever reason she understood it was the right thing for her to do as a person, as a leader.

In the end, I respected Brenda Mangente very, very much.  She earned it.