Intimate Leadership
Max DePree, the founder of Herman Miller, wrote some amazing things in his 1989 book, “Leadership is an Art.” Smack-dab in the middle of the book is a powerful chapter entitled “Intimacy.” Here are a few things Max says in that chapter that I just love:
Intimacy is the heart of competence. It has to do with understanding, with believing, and with practice. It has to do with the relationship to one’s work. (p. 53).
Beliefs are connected to intimacy. Beliefs come before policies or standards or practices. Practice without belief is a forlorn existence. Managers who have no beliefs but only understand methodology and quantification are modern-day eunuchs. They can never engender competence or confidence. They can never be truly intimate. (p. 55).
We find intimacy through a search for comfort with ambiguity. We do not grow by knowing all of the answers, but rather by living with the questions. (p. 57).
Intimacy arises from translating personal and corporate values into daily work practices, from searching for knowledge and wisdom and justice. Above all, intimacy arises from, and gives rise to, strong relationships. Intimacy is one way of describing the relationship we all desire with work. (p. 58).
Intimacy is not a leadership responsibility. We simply don’t select, develop, and reward intimacy in our leaders. I wish we would, but we don’t.
Intimacy is always discretionary. It will always be a choice that too few make because the road to intimacy travels through the land of excellence. As Robert Quinn says so beautifully, “The land of excellence is safely guarded from unworthy intruders. At the gates stand two fearsome sentries – risk and learning. The keys to entry are faith and courage.”
What’s keeping you from choosing intimacy at work? Please share your thoughts in the comment section below!
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About the Author: Bret L. Simmons
Welcome to my blog! Please feel free to share your thoughts in the comment section of my posts. I publish all constructive, non-anonymous comments. 
Thanks Bret for your beautifully crafted post. I think Mr. DePree was a very courageous person to even consider using the word “intimacy” in a book about leadership – but he’s so right. If we aren’t intimate with our work, and with those around us (in a non sexual way, of course), leadership is ineffective. I strive daily to be intimate in my own work. Its hard, and there is much to distract. But it’s also joyful when acheived – for me, and for those around me. Thanks again.
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Bret L. Simmons Reply:
May 27th, 2011 at 8:09 am
I had to sit and think for a long time about what I was going to say about DePrees thoughts on intimacy. That’s the mark of brilliance on DePree’s part. Thanks for sharing, MJ! Bret
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Bret, I completely agree with content of your post, but I use different language. What you describe as intimacy, I call values & culture. Good leaders do clearly articulate why the work is important and what the organization believes in. A sense of purpose leads to greater achievement. I believe that it is fundamental human nature to seek purpose in our lives.
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Bret L. Simmons Reply:
May 29th, 2011 at 3:20 pm
Welcome, Christopher! Concur with you 100% that we are wired to be purposeful. Leaders that understand that and enable it will always achieve greater things through their people. Thanks for sharing! Bret
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As usual, a great take on the spirit of leadership. The point about living with the questions is key. When leaders don’t offer their team some level of intimacy, the questions become unbearable because of the lack of understanding.
Intimacy would help fix a lot of problems.
Thanks for the great post. Glad I’m subscribed.
Aaron@Biebert
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Bret L. Simmons Reply:
May 29th, 2011 at 5:29 pm
Intimacy might not be a panacea, but is would certainly be an improvement. Thanks, for sharing! Bret
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