Yesterday, my daughter’s volleyball team lost all four of it’s games in a tournament. They lost to teams they could have – should have – beaten. As a result, the team moves down a bracket in the next round of tournament play.
It really sucked.
But oddly enough, I felt very good about my daughter that day. Even though her team lost, she played as well as I’ve ever seen her play. She corrected mistakes she made in her previous tournament, and overall made a positive contribution to the team. I was impressed how she kept an eye on the score and always had her head in the game. I also noticed her size up every player across the net from her when she entered the game.
I was very proud of her. She was proud of herself because she knew she played well. The other thing that made me proud of her was how much she hated losing. Unlike a few others on her team, it was NOT OK with my daughter that they got embarrassed. There was nothing funny about it.
That’s the way it should be.
I also learned a new term from my daughter – “fun sucking black hole.” That is someone that is so negative that they suck the energy out of everyone around them. It only takes a few fun sucking black holes to bring a team down enough to not be able to perform. My daughter is not one of them, and she knows it.
She is making progress, growing as a young woman, as an individual with character, as a team member, and as a leader. Her team might be losing at the game of volleyball but she is winning at the game of life.
That’s all that really matters.
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Bret,
Love it! I totally agree. It takes just one fun sucker (say that 3 times fast) to bring down the whole team. I am glad your daughter can rise above the disappointment in her team losing. It is a great lesson to learn as a young woman. Many people don’t ever learn how to rise above it.
Have a great night!
Sharon
http://www.sharonmarkovsky.com
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Bret L. Simmons Reply:
March 22nd, 2010 at 7:14 am
I was surprised to hear her say it, actually. My advice to her was to go to work on those fun suckers. As leaders, we have to address the dynamic. Thanks! Bret
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Paul Kiser Reply:
March 22nd, 2010 at 2:41 pm
Sharon: No way I’m going to say Fun Sucker 3 times fast…at least not while I’m sitting in this Starbucks; however, you make a great point.
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Bret L. Simmons Reply:
March 22nd, 2010 at 2:52 pm
Come on, Paul! Could be a great way to meet new people
Bret
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You daughter is very wise. I like the term and I could create a list of FSBH’s, but then that would make me one. It’s great when we learn from our children.
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Bret L. Simmons Reply:
March 22nd, 2010 at 7:15 am
I think she is going to turn out OK. That’s all that matters. Thanks, Paul! Bret
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I love the opportunity that organized sports provides our young women. Whether the girl is a competitive athlete,or participating for the fun of it, whether the game is one or lost, organized athletics provides is platform for girls to integrate and make sense of the concept of healthy competition.In general we socialize our girls to be cooperative, but we don’t provide ample opportunity for them to engage in competition so they can learn how to “size up” their opponents, how to rise above “fun sucking black holes”, or how to respectfully display a strong desire to win. I believe sports teach girls these lessons and provides them with tools that help them grow to be dignified competitors in life, and the business world.We need powerful women in our world, and every powerful women begins as nurturing girl who is able to add the skills of healthy competition to her natural cooperative nature.
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Bret L. Simmons Reply:
March 22nd, 2010 at 2:51 pm
Exactly, Marne. Young women are naturally good at being social and supportive, but they need a place to learn how to be competitive and work with others in teams – skills the little boys are practicing and will use to their advantage for decades to come. I insisted my daughter get involved in sports. I did not care which one, but I wanted her to take up a team sport. It’s been great for her. Martial arts was another very positive esteem boost for her. Thanks! Bret
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