The next meditation to help us become more courageous followers from Ira Chaleff’s book “The Courageous Follower:” is: I can empathize with others that are also imperfect. This is critical because as I have said here before, none of us can become our best self unless and until we confront our imperfect self. In addition to confronting our own imperfections, we must become sensitive to the thoughts and feelings others will have as we become aware of their imperfections.
The first three meditations on followership were primarily internally focused; this meditation shifts toward developing how we relate to others. Relationships are critical to our success as leaders, but if we don’t appreciate that and develop the competence as a follower, we are not going to be prepared to develop authentic relationships with people when we become leaders.
In relationships, there is no substitute for genuine caring. We merit being worthy of the trust of others to the extent that they believe we have their best intentions in mind. We have no capacity to care about others if we are dominated by egocentrism. Over time, what we truly care about will become obvious as it manifests itself in what we say and do. It is as followers that we must learn to develop a sincere conviction about pursuing the shared purpose of our group, organization, or community.
As people begin to trust us and relationships develop, our mutual imperfections will inevitably become exposed. We will always be able to see the imperfections in others much clearer than we will ever see our own imperfections. How we handle those imperfections that we observe in others is essential for our own self-development.
It is NOT our responsibility to fix the imperfections of others. At best, we can be a resource to those we are in relationship with as they become increasingly willing to accept more responsibility for themselves. If asked, we should be prepared to help as best we can, but we must also be vigilant about keeping others interdependent with us and never dependent upon us.
Our job as followers is to understand how these mutual imperfections affect our working relationships. As we hold ourselves to high standards, we can model the way for others to also enact their best selves.
Related Posts:
ACT Change: Inspire Others To Enact Their Best Selves
Leadership: There Is No Substitute For Caring
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Bret,
I totally agree with you, you can’t fake caring.
This is purely hypothetical as I am caring to a fault, but since your ability to care about someone is something that is very hard to change (either you can or you can’t), is it okay to care for the shared purpose if you can’t show care for the people? Or do you have to show care for both to be a successful leader and/or follower?
As always, I enjoyed your blog!
Sharon
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Bret L. Simmons Reply:
January 8th, 2010 at 8:16 pm
Absolutely right, Sharon, you CANNOT fake caring. And it is hard to change, but not impossible. I’ve found that it is easier for me to care about others as I become better at what I do. When I am new at something, I am very self conscious. You know my other “there is no substitute for” is performance. Get really good at what you do, then find ways to help others do the same.
I don’t think it is possible to be a purposeful actor if you don’t care for others. You might get the rhetoric right, but your theory in use will betray you.
Great question – thanks!! Bret
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Excellent thoughts, specifically the knowledge that it is not our responsibility to fix the imperfections in others. I couldn’t agree more with regard to the importance of interdependence as opposed to dependence. In relationships, I find that through our shared growth and development, some of the most rewarding moments are brought about through caring enough to cultivate that interdependence.
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Bret L. Simmons Reply:
January 9th, 2010 at 7:48 pm
It’s easy to make the mistakes when trying to help others that have unintended consequences. Always best to leave the person we help more independent and more able to operate autonomously. Thanks for the comment, Alex! Bret
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Bret, this is one of the best posts I have heard, mainly because I could relate to what you are saying 100%. That is what I care most about in life, people (family, friends, co-workers, others) and developing relationships. This is why I am devoted to leadership and management to influence others to bring out the best in them. I completely agree with what you are saying about trust and a sincere love for people is what will guide you as a leader. There are not too many managers/leaders out there who really want the best for others and not anything in return for themselves. I believe that if we have more managers, leaders, and teachers out there who have these qualities, then others will be more inspired to do the best they can and become better people.
Scott R. Moreno
http://scottrmoreno.com
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Bret L. Simmons Reply:
January 10th, 2010 at 7:02 pm
Welcome, Scott! You should be thankful that you appreciate these concepts at such a young age and early in your career. It will take you a lifetime to master, but getting off to a solid and early start will take you far. Thanks! Bret
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Well said Bret, our relationships with others is what defines us as a person in that we can learn a lot from our relationships and use that as a model for our success in the future. By recognizing our own imperfections and accepting the imperfections of others, we can build a stronger trust in our relatioships.
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Bret L. Simmons Reply:
January 11th, 2010 at 4:04 pm
you got it, Jace! I had to learn this lesson the long, hard way. Hope you get an earlier start than I did. Thanks! Bret
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