My second video! I was so excited I forgot to shave and change out of my t-shirt 
Conversations about performance are seldom easy for either managers or employees. Before you ever have a conversation about performance with an employee, think about these two things:
1. Are you sure the employee knows your expectations about the performance or behavior in question? It’s very difficult for employees to meet your expectations if you’ve never communicated them clearly.
2. Is your intention to help the employee improve their performance or behavior in order to meet your expectations? Employees will always know if you really care and really want to help them improve, and it matters.
After watching the video, please leave a comment below! I also make the offer to answer my question in the form of a video. Make one I like and I’ll be in touch with an offer to post your video to my website.
And once again, any suggestions on how I can improve my use of video are also welcome. I am determined to move up the learning curve with this technique.
You should follow me on twitter here.
You’ve hit on the issue that’s right at the top of the list of things supervisors hate to do. I know this because I’ve surveyed them on the first day of my program in supervisory skills for over twenty years.
First you have to set the stage. You’re assuming that there’s been a prior conversation. That should be the stage-setting. You lay out expectations and check for understanding. Then, later you to out to see if the understanding has translated into changed behavior or performance.
At that point there is a method that works. It’s outlined in my Working Supervisor’s Support Kit ( http://www.threestarleadership.com/supervisorsupportkit/ ) in a slightly different form, but now I follow the same steps with different names. Here they are.
What – Tell the person you’re talking to what you’re going to talk about. This should be non-judgmental so leave the adjectives home. You want a short, accurate description.
Why – Tell the person why you’re having the discussion. You may mention the prior conversation. You may describe the impact on other team members. You may describe how you feel about the behavior or performance.
These two steps should take no more than a few seconds. Then
Wait
Be quite. Say nothing. You’ve said your piece. The next person to talk should be that team member. If you don’t wait you can’t have a two-way conversation and you can’t get meaningful change without conversation. If you don’t wait, you won’t find out if you’ve got the facts wrong or if there are extenuating circumstances you don’t know about. If you don’t wait, you rip control away from your team member and set yourself up for resentment and defensiveness.
That’s easy to describe but incredibly hard to do and to do consistently. That’s because almost all our role models do it differently. They lead with the why and they don’t wait to hear if there are alternatives versions.
[Reply]
Bret L. Simmons Reply:
October 22nd, 2009 at 9:03 am
Great advice, Wally! I think this is the toughest conversation to have at work, which is why I asked the question.
You are practicing what I teach as assertive communication – describe the behavior, the effects of the behavior, and your feelings about the behavior. I am VERY glad that you validate feelings. Many balk at this idea and a lot of corporate training programs tell you to leave your feelings at home. I think that lacks authenticity.
Your point about waiting to hear from them is also excellent. So right this is hard to do consistently well.
Thanks!! Bret
[Reply]
The supervisors I’ve trained would agree with you on the “hardest conversation,” Bret. The only thing that comes close is “dealing with the boss.”
When I began doing these programs, I concentrated on the emotions of the team member and how the supervisor should realize that emotions are part of the package. But I found that supervisors were incredibly glad to hear that telling a team member that they’re angry is OK. Ranting and acting out are NOT included in “telling.”
[Reply]
Bret L. Simmons Reply:
October 22nd, 2009 at 9:40 am
Wow, Wally you and I are on exactly the same page. Can you fly in to Reno to teach this next semester? Anger is a legitimate emotion. We all get angry and should not pretend we don’t. But we do own our anger – can’t blame it on others. And how we communicate that emotion is very critical. Thanks!! Bret
[Reply]
Bret,
I found this post extremely helpful. I couldn’t agree more about the listening part being the most difficult. The few times I have had to communicate performance problems, I was so overwhelmed with stress and frustration about the situation, I believe that the employee couldn’t have fit a word in edgewise, even if they wanted to.
Recognizing the importance of a “two-way conversation” is critical info, thanks.
I would also mention that dealing with this situation with non-communicators is a bit more difficult. It’s heartening that discussions on these topics occur in management programs.
Thanks for the post.
Alex
[Reply]
Bret L. Simmons Reply:
October 22nd, 2009 at 7:03 pm
it is a very tough conversation, Alex. Must be even tougher when the parties involved don’t have a background in basic management and communication principles. Not a requirement, but sure could not hurt. Thanks! Bret
[Reply]
A model I learned a long time ago, called BEER:
B (behavior): Describe the behavior keep it brief – no more than 2 things at a time
E (effect): Describe your reaction (how you feel and why
E (expectation): Suggest what you would prefer and your expectation that the behavior will continue in the future
R (result): What was the result to you or the organization?
Ask recipient to provide their input; set a meeting to follow up
[Reply]
Bret L. Simmons Reply:
October 22nd, 2009 at 7:03 pm
Mary Jo, I’ve too have found BEER to have a strong impact on behavior
Thanks for the help on this one! Bret
[Reply]