Yesterday, I posted a video inviting you to share the most effective advice you have about how to communicate to employees your concerns about behavior or performance. Those are some of the most difficult conversations we have with people at work.
Your only motive for having this conversation should be to help the employee change their behavior or improve their performance. If your motive is not to help, you are not yet ready to have the conversation!
If your employee believes that your intentions are good, then he/she is more likely to open up and tell you what you really need to know about why their performance or behavior does not meet expectations. This is important information that you need if you want to be able to partner with the employee to improve the behavior.
After the conversation, your employee needs to believe that they can do what it is you are asking them to do. Your behavior as a manager during and after these critical conversations can either enhance or erode an employee’s self-efficacy.
As always, I encourage you to leave a comment!
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More good stuff, Bret. I mean what I’m about to say as an addition to what’s in the video, not a substitute. It’s a both/and.
It’s important to realize that the conversation you’re describing doesn’t happen in isolation. It’s in the context of all the conversations you have with the team member and all the conversations you’ve had with other team members.
That’s important if you’re a boss who suddenly “sees the light.” You may have changed your motivation and behavior, but the people who work with you won’t take it at face value until you’ve been doing it for a while.
It’s a trust thing. Trust is like trees. It grows slowly, but can be taken down quickly.
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Bret L. Simmons Reply:
October 23rd, 2009 at 4:16 pm
Absolutely, Wally. Trust is social capital – it takes time to build but it produces returns you can’t buy with any other currency. Thanks! Bret
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Bret,
1) I like the videos. Feels like I’m sitting down over a latte with you.
2) What I’m realizing more and more is that being an effective and “good” leader is hard work! Do you have any insight as to how to make these things second nature? How can you “practice” if it’s not authentic behavior for you in the first place? Don’t you risk losing the trust of your employees if you screw it up? I feel like it’s a golf swing tip and when you’re in the backswing all you can do is think of all the advice you’ve read, or heard already and the cumulative result of trying to do everything is a nice duck hook that almost takes off the head of the foursome waiting at the tee box.
Thanks for a great insightful post. This one I’ll be chewing on for a while.
Alex
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Bret L. Simmons Reply:
October 23rd, 2009 at 11:57 pm
A lifetime of hard work, Alex, but you are up to it! We need more people that are in it for the long haul. It has to be something you want because you know it’s the right thing to do. Even when you think no one appreciates it. I think you are going to excell. Thanks!! Bret
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Brett- This is a great topic and one I care about deeply. I agree that sending the message that you care about an employee is critical to them hearing the feedback. Many people don’t know HOW to transmit that care. I wrote a very short, how to book entitled Reboot Your working Relationships. Its an easy read and gives readers a very simple step by step process for engaging in truthful while building the relationship. And the process works!! Its at Amazon.com.Well worth the read. I wrote it after many years of teaching managers and leaders how to have these kinds of conversations. Marcia Feola
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Bret L. Simmons Reply:
October 27th, 2009 at 7:27 am
Marcia, welcome and thanks for the comment. Thanks for the tip about your book – I will check it out. I can tell you that you can’t fake caring. Over time, people know what you care about – youself or them. Thanks!! Bret
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