Comments on: How to Deal with Crying in the Office http://www.bretlsimmons.com/2009-09/how-to-deal-with-crying-in-the-office/ Leadership, followership, and purpose at work Wed, 08 Feb 2012 01:54:27 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.9.2 hourly 1 By: Bret L. Simmons http://www.bretlsimmons.com/2009-09/how-to-deal-with-crying-in-the-office/comment-page-1/#comment-10947 Bret L. Simmons Wed, 17 Nov 2010 00:15:02 +0000 http://www.bretlsimmons.com/?p=1161#comment-10947 Welcome, Gail! I teach too, so I know you have a tough job - tougher than mine. I don't know how you guys do it, but I'm glad you do. Your work is important, and it does make a difference, but you will usually not be there to witness the rewards of your labor. Thanks for sharing! Bret Welcome, Gail! I teach too, so I know you have a tough job – tougher than mine. I don’t know how you guys do it, but I’m glad you do. Your work is important, and it does make a difference, but you will usually not be there to witness the rewards of your labor. Thanks for sharing! Bret

]]> By: Gail http://www.bretlsimmons.com/2009-09/how-to-deal-with-crying-in-the-office/comment-page-1/#comment-10945 Gail Tue, 16 Nov 2010 23:44:20 +0000 http://www.bretlsimmons.com/?p=1161#comment-10945 I am a middle school teacher who gets teary - sometimes just alligator tears - once or twice a year when my kids stress me out. Usually it is massive insubordination and I feel overwhelmed and unappreciated. I practice a very positive approach and have inspiration, rewards, and I work hard to build their self-esteem. Every so often, they just tear me down and I shed a few tears (sometimes anger, sometimes disappointment). Adolescents aren't very considerate! I am glad to see that you affirm a right to have emotions at work. I have learned to control them more than in the beginning of my career, but when disrespect becomes severe, it is hard to remain disconnected. I just care a lot about my students. Teaching can be quite personal. I am a middle school teacher who gets teary – sometimes just alligator tears – once or twice a year when my kids stress me out. Usually it is massive insubordination and I feel overwhelmed and unappreciated. I practice a very positive approach and have inspiration, rewards, and I work hard to build their self-esteem. Every so often, they just tear me down and I shed a few tears (sometimes anger, sometimes disappointment). Adolescents aren’t very considerate!
I am glad to see that you affirm a right to have emotions at work. I have learned to control them more than in the beginning of my career, but when disrespect becomes severe, it is hard to remain disconnected. I just care a lot about my students. Teaching can be quite personal.

]]> By: Bret L. Simmons http://www.bretlsimmons.com/2009-09/how-to-deal-with-crying-in-the-office/comment-page-1/#comment-5228 Bret L. Simmons Fri, 30 Jul 2010 19:02:52 +0000 http://www.bretlsimmons.com/?p=1161#comment-5228 Welcome, Rebecca. I feel for you. Have you been documenting all the actions you have taken? If not, I think you should start. If you are sure there is nothing in your behavior causing the crying, then you are correct that this is potentially manipulative behavior. Have you asked her why she cries? If it is something about you, fix it and eliminate that excuse. If the crying continues, get others involved to help. Never give up the bottom line that the performance behaviors must change, its your job to help her change, your job to hold both of you accountable for that change, and that you intend to do your job. Thanks! Bret Welcome, Rebecca. I feel for you. Have you been documenting all the actions you have taken? If not, I think you should start. If you are sure there is nothing in your behavior causing the crying, then you are correct that this is potentially manipulative behavior. Have you asked her why she cries? If it is something about you, fix it and eliminate that excuse. If the crying continues, get others involved to help. Never give up the bottom line that the performance behaviors must change, its your job to help her change, your job to hold both of you accountable for that change, and that you intend to do your job. Thanks! Bret

]]> By: rebecca http://www.bretlsimmons.com/2009-09/how-to-deal-with-crying-in-the-office/comment-page-1/#comment-5219 rebecca Fri, 30 Jul 2010 12:41:19 +0000 http://www.bretlsimmons.com/?p=1161#comment-5219 i have an employee who always gets teary or cries whenever i give her feedback that requires change on her part. Often she cries if i require her to do a task that is in her job description and she will whine that she shouldn't have to do it - it's a "junior's job". I have even given her the feedback that it is really inappropriate for her to cry every time as i find it manipulative. Basically it is impossible for me to get her to do any task she doesn't want to do because she either cries or sulks. HELP. I am at the point where i dread asking her to do even a simple task - and on top of this all my other staff have complained to me about her rudeness and attitude - how will i ever manage to tell her that!! i have an employee who always gets teary or cries whenever i give her feedback that requires change on her part. Often she cries if i require her to do a task that is in her job description and she will whine that she shouldn’t have to do it – it’s a “junior’s job”.
I have even given her the feedback that it is really inappropriate for her to cry every time as i find it manipulative. Basically it is impossible for me to get her to do any task she doesn’t want to do because she either cries or sulks. HELP. I am at the point where i dread asking her to do even a simple task – and on top of this all my other staff have complained to me about her rudeness and attitude – how will i ever manage to tell her that!!

]]> By: Debi http://www.bretlsimmons.com/2009-09/how-to-deal-with-crying-in-the-office/comment-page-1/#comment-4597 Debi Wed, 23 Jun 2010 15:55:03 +0000 http://www.bretlsimmons.com/?p=1161#comment-4597 There are times when we cry. Women seem to have it hardwired at times and may cry when happy, sad, frustrated... A trick that I learned is when I feel the tears coming, look up. That will sometimes stop the flow and give you a chance to get back on focus. I also know that I've seen employees that cry when they are having performance discussions with their managers that don't go well. It's unfortunate, but it's important that while you recognize crying is a normal human emotion, people occasionally try to manipulate the situation. I've seen managers very uncomfortable continuing with a crucial conversation due to tears that may or may not be crocodile. There are times when we cry. Women seem to have it hardwired at times and may cry when happy, sad, frustrated… A trick that I learned is when I feel the tears coming, look up. That will sometimes stop the flow and give you a chance to get back on focus.

I also know that I’ve seen employees that cry when they are having performance discussions with their managers that don’t go well. It’s unfortunate, but it’s important that while you recognize crying is a normal human emotion, people occasionally try to manipulate the situation. I’ve seen managers very uncomfortable continuing with a crucial conversation due to tears that may or may not be crocodile.

]]> By: Bret L. Simmons http://www.bretlsimmons.com/2009-09/how-to-deal-with-crying-in-the-office/comment-page-1/#comment-2482 Bret L. Simmons Sat, 23 Jan 2010 22:26:29 +0000 http://www.bretlsimmons.com/?p=1161#comment-2482 I think you need to start preparing yourself to move on to another job. If you stay in an environment that takes such an emotional toll on you, you are cheating yourself. They can only make you cry if you let them. If you work with your manager to try to change things and it does not get better, you should move on. Thanks! Bret I think you need to start preparing yourself to move on to another job. If you stay in an environment that takes such an emotional toll on you, you are cheating yourself. They can only make you cry if you let them. If you work with your manager to try to change things and it does not get better, you should move on. Thanks! Bret

]]> By: R http://www.bretlsimmons.com/2009-09/how-to-deal-with-crying-in-the-office/comment-page-1/#comment-2480 R Sat, 23 Jan 2010 21:30:20 +0000 http://www.bretlsimmons.com/?p=1161#comment-2480 Hello Bret, I regulary cry when I have converesations with my manager because of the way he talks to me sometimes. He was upset with me for crying saying that there is no excuse for crying because we are in a professional environment. However, I don't think that he is very professional. But I am feeling bad about crying in front of the manager. What do you think? Thank you Hello Bret,

I regulary cry when I have converesations with my manager because of the way he talks to me sometimes. He was upset with me for crying saying that there is no excuse for crying because we are in a professional environment. However, I don’t think that he is very professional. But I am feeling bad about crying in front of the manager. What do you think?

Thank you

]]> By: Bret L. Simmons http://www.bretlsimmons.com/2009-09/how-to-deal-with-crying-in-the-office/comment-page-1/#comment-1170 Bret L. Simmons Thu, 01 Oct 2009 23:26:56 +0000 http://www.bretlsimmons.com/?p=1161#comment-1170 M, no one has mentioned this yet, so I appreciate you pointing this out. thanks! Bret M, no one has mentioned this yet, so I appreciate you pointing this out. thanks! Bret

]]> By: M http://www.bretlsimmons.com/2009-09/how-to-deal-with-crying-in-the-office/comment-page-1/#comment-1168 M Thu, 01 Oct 2009 22:28:22 +0000 http://www.bretlsimmons.com/?p=1161#comment-1168 This conversation is important also in light of the ADA amendment and issues regarding employer notice of a disability (including mental disabilities like depression). Unfortunately, many peripheral matters and confidentiality provisions in forced resignation agreements prevent the necessary attention to this matter. This conversation is important also in light of the ADA amendment and issues regarding employer notice of a disability (including mental disabilities like depression). Unfortunately, many peripheral matters and confidentiality provisions in forced resignation agreements prevent the necessary attention to this matter.

]]> By: Bret L. Simmons http://www.bretlsimmons.com/2009-09/how-to-deal-with-crying-in-the-office/comment-page-1/#comment-1166 Bret L. Simmons Thu, 01 Oct 2009 14:51:42 +0000 http://www.bretlsimmons.com/?p=1161#comment-1166 Cathy, I really appreciate you taking the time to share your thoughts - they are excellent! You are so right that it is MUCH better to release the pressure than to explode. Also true that men are releasing that stress as well, just in a different and probably more damaging way. Thanks!!! Bret Cathy, I really appreciate you taking the time to share your thoughts – they are excellent! You are so right that it is MUCH better to release the pressure than to explode. Also true that men are releasing that stress as well, just in a different and probably more damaging way. Thanks!!! Bret

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