I never intended to have so much to say on bullying since it is not something I know a lot about personally. Your responses to my articles “When the Bully Boss is Female,” ”Bully Boss: What Do You Think?” and “Is HR on Your Side?” have been extremely helpful. I got direct e-mails from several people that have experienced bullying at work. Just listening to their stories affected me, so I can’t imagine how they must feel.
There are a number of good sources out there if you are experiencing bullying at work. Again, I am not an expert on the topic by any means, but here is my two-cents worth:
- Admit to yourself that this is a problem. You don’t deserve to be bullied, and healthy workplaces don’t allow bullying.
- Talk to people about what is happening to you. Tap the breadth of your social support network. Make them aware of what you are going through and see if they have some advice that can help.
- Contact the best attorney you can find. Often the initial consultation is free. I know there are no laws on bullying, but I can tell you from personal experience that just letting people know you are serious enough to get an attorney can be powerful. The bully is manipulating the perception of power in your relationship and two can play that game.
- I personally would confront the abuse very early. I would pull the individual aside and tell them very clearly I neither appreciate nor respond well to being treated like this and that I expect it to stop.
- Understand very clearly that bullying is probably not “an isolated incident.” That’s wishful thinking. The fact is bullying is a sign of a dysfunctional organizational culture. Why stay?
If you consider yourself a leader in your organization, you need to confront bullying when you see it happening to others. You will never be able to escape the damage to your professional integrity if people know that you know and yet do nothing. Make it a matter of record that regardless of how the bully and the organization deal with this, you have strong concerns about how this behavior affects the organization’s ability to accomplish its purpose.
You should follow me on twitter here.
Thanks for bringing attention to this common, but not talked about, workplace occurrence. Acknowledging that is it happening in the workplace is an important step in encouraging organizations to develop anti-bully policies.
One thing I would comment on is addressing the behavior early. I think it is vital to confront the bully; however, the target should be aware that the bullying behavior will most likely not stop. Most bullies are unaware their actions cross the line and may even believe they are being good managers or leaders. I believe when confronting a bully, the goal should be to take back your personal power.
And sometimes it’s a good idea to keep the “Gambler Strategy” in mind: you need to know when to hold them; know when to fold them; know when to walk away; and know when to run.
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Bret L. Simmons Reply:
September 24th, 2009 at 5:32 pm
Great advice about the goal being to take back your personal power, Catherine. I love your “gambler strategy.” Thanks! Bret
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Great advice Bret. One question though. What do you think someone should do when they witness someone else in their organization becoming a victim of bullying? Confront it or let it go cause “it’s not my problem?” I’ve never witnessed it, but am thinking what I would do.
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Bret L. Simmons Reply:
September 25th, 2009 at 12:26 am
I don’t think they should turn a blind eye. If you want to be a leader, you have to do the right thing. It might not be your direct responsibility, but if you work in an organization that allows bullying, it is ultimately your problem. Thanks, Ajo! Bret
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What do you do when the CEO is the bully? And there are under 10 employees total in the company?
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Bret L. Simmons Reply:
September 25th, 2009 at 1:34 pm
My advice would be the same. Do your homework on the issue, talk to friends and family, get professional advice (Lawyer, clergy), have your documentation in order, start saving your money, and dust off your resume. Eventually, you need to talk to the boss. If things never get better, I personally would move on. Never a simple issue. Thanks for the question! Bret
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What are some examples of being bullied? My boss often tells me to shut-up, that I don’t listen, tells me to get out of his office, and criticized nearly everything I do. He even remarked that “if you screw up one more time, I’m going to fire you!”. I feel extremely uncomfortable talking to him about it because I know that he will not take responsibility for his behavior. I enjoy what I do and work hard every day to make this unhappy person happy. I guess this is a situation where I need to run!
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Bret L. Simmons Reply:
September 25th, 2009 at 1:39 pm
Sarah, everything you just said I would consider an example of bullying. Your boss is an asshole (see Bob Sutton’s excellent book “The No Asshole Rule”). But you are in a good position because you seem to see this clearly and you appear to be honest with yourself. You are responsibile for your behavior and your choices and how that affects your health and your family. Find some people to work for that will appreciate your hard work. Thank you for the question, Sarah! Bret
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What about your boss making comments on your personal life – for instance who you should and should not be friends with outside of work, your marital status, etc.
I spoke to HR and they told me they could not do anything about it since my boss did not technically do anything illegal.
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Bret L. Simmons Reply:
September 25th, 2009 at 4:45 pm
HR is correct, but they are also a bunch of cowards. If your boss ever asks about your personal life, politely refuse to talk about it. If he asks why, tell him frankly that you are a private person and you would appreciate him respecting that privacy. Keep very careful documentation. The things he is asking about could get to the point where they do cross a legal line if you are female and your boss is male. If it gets even close to that point, get an attorney, get informed, and be prepared to protect your rights. Thanks for the question! Bret
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hi I’m currently out of work at the moment I used to work in a large legal corporation in SYDNEY,I was the subject of bullying in the workplace I made a workcover claim but the insurance -allianz laughed at me, I still haven’t got anywhere with it.I haven’t been to work since 31st july 2010, the doctor was the one who said he was obliged to submit the claim as the bullying got to the extent that my health was severely affected. Work sacked me two days after my birthday and one day after I met with HR and manager- they said at the meeting we won’t sack you but for operational reasons the pro bono solicitor needs assistance and they interrogated me as to when I can return- I told them I want to return to work but am unsure of the exact date,( I took a support person with me to the meeting,i was crying)I gave them my doctors phone number so they could phone him, as i said to them I’m seeing my doctor regularly and he is thinking of admitting me to hospital if i don’t improve- with my depression and anxiety. A day later they couriered a letter to me by hand terminating me and on my separation certificate they said i had made no workers comp claim ( which is false) and that i was unsuitable for this type of work I was admin started there in phillip street sydney in 2007 as a volunteer for my law studies, i completed the practical training and they offered me a paid job in 2008 but i still to this day have not been able to get them to sign me off on my placement voluntary work( but thats another problem I have to deal with)i have had good performance reviews and even got a pay rise, can they do this and get away with it because they are lawyers and a large corporation and can i go unfair dismissal?? I’m very confused and upset, it has happened to others but they resigned but i didn’t want to do that, i don’t know my options left for me now as I have never experienced anything in my working life like this before and I guess i didn’t expect a large organisation that is a legal one to be so nasty. can you pls advise.
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Bret L. Simmons Reply:
March 10th, 2011 at 10:36 am
No easy answers to your question, Kim. Let your attorneys do what they can to help your legal issues and then move on, get with others to help with the personal and professional issues. thanks for sharing! Bret
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i know exactly what you are feeling because im going through the very same thing its hard when you want to stay at the work place because you enjoy the work but when bullying sets in its hard to enjoy the work
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Bret L. Simmons Reply:
March 10th, 2011 at 10:34 am
Thanks for helping out with this, Lucy! Bret
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its not a subject that I have put much time into thinking about but it is a very valid one.
Thanks for the good thoughts, I will keep this in mind as I move forward.
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Bret L. Simmons Reply:
September 19th, 2011 at 8:54 am
You’d be surprised how much this subject resonates with so many people. Sadly, bullying is way too common. Thanks. Bret
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