Committing To Your Goals
The next intentional activity from The How of Happiness is committing to your goals. Recall from my earlier blog that it’s these intentional activities and habits that can account for as much as 40% of our happiness. The first intentional activity was expressing gratitude, the second was deliberate optimism, the third was to stop overthinking and comparing ourselves to others, the fourth was practicing acts of kindness, the fifth was social support, the sixth was coping with stress, the seventh was learning to forgive, the eight was increasing flow, and the ninth was savoring the positive.
I have to confess that although I consider myself very happy, I don’t consider myself a goal setter. I’m not sure why, but the fact that my MBTI type preference is INTP might have something to do with it. But I am big on commitment, and I personally derive more pleasure from the process of committing to a goal than from the accomplishment of the goal. Here are six reasons why that is true (pp. 206-208):
- Commitment to a goal provides a sense of purpose and control
- Making progress on meaningful goals can buttress our core self-evaluation
- Goal commitment adds structure and meaning to our daily lives. “It grants responsibilities, deadlines, timetables, opportunities for mastering new skills, and for social interaction” (p.207)
- It helps us to master the use of our time
- Commitment to a goal during times of crisis can compel us to examine our most important priorities and help us cope better with problems
- Commitment requires and builds community. Almost any goal you can think of will involve relationships with others to accomplish well, and the purposeful engagement with others is itself a source of pleasure.
Five years ago I was having a casual conversation with a colleague at work and he mentioned that he ran two marathons when he was in his forties. I don’t know what it was, but I decided then and there that if he could do it, so could I. I learned as much as I could about running, both through reading and by joining running groups. When I train for a marathon, every single day of my life for 18 weeks is somewhat ordered around my running. Sometimes my daily feedback says “well done!” and other times it is “that’s ok, be thankful for what you did today, there is always tomorrow.” I’ve run eight marathons and as many half-marathons in that time, had a blast, and made a lot of great new friends along the way. The pleasure is in the pursuit.
Work is a marathon, not a sprint. Stay healthy; if you get hurt you can’t finish. You WILL hit the wall, but remember, your preparation will get you through it. Pace yourself, and try to do those last six difficult miles even better than the first six. Enjoy the ride, and reach out and touch all those folks along the course that showed up to cheer you on.
And don’t forget to smile for the camera at the finish line.
About the Author: Bret L. Simmons
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- Goal Setting: A Few Anecdotal Observations. « Bret L. Simmons | August 14, 2009
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I believe commitment is a touchy subject for many. A lot of people pat themselves on the back for setting a goal (think New Year’s resolutions), but when their commitment wavers, the excuses and blame roll in with ease. To be committed to something means to embrace it wholeheartedly, no matter the difficulties, and to take responsibility for your own actions regarding your progress. This is not an easy skill to master, but by first assessing and raising your happiness level as discussed, you will be better prespared to commit to goals by having a healthier state of mind and able to keep those excuses at bay.
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Bret L. Simmons Reply:
August 12th, 2009 at 1:42 pm
Alicia, you are right, commitment is a touchy subject for many. I love your point about taking responsibility for your own actions and progress. I appreciate you sharing your thoughts – thanks!!! Bret
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I find that many coaching clients are put off by goal setting because there is so much hype and mis-information on the topic. My favorite bit of mis-information is the study of (Yale or Harvard) graduates of the class of (1943, 1946, 1948) where a small percentage (10, 20) have (written) goals. (25, 30) years later they turn out to have accumulated more wealth than all the other graduates combined. I have never been able to find this study, nor has anyone I have challenged to do so, but it gets passed from motivational speaker to motivational speaker and now it is in the folklore of success.
The process of setting goals is one of the big benefits. It’s a process of deciding what’s important and what will change. In my experience, the process is fully as valuable as any specific goals that get set.
And, of course, there are all those criteria for what makes a “good” goal. Robert Rubin, from DePaul University took all the words used in the various forms of the acronym SMART and calculated that you could create almost 9000 different versions.
So why would someone want to bother setting goals. I offer three reasons.
First, the process helps you come to grips with what’s important to you and how you want things to chang.e
Second, the choices you make help you channel your efforts, schedule and resources into things that will make the most difference.
Finally, goals can have a motivational component. On days when you’re discouraged or tired, your goals are a reminder of what you should be doing and why.
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Bret L. Simmons Reply:
August 12th, 2009 at 2:32 pm
Wally, thank you so very much for adding these excellent thoughts! There is actually a debate raging in the management literature right now over goal setting, and I plan to write about that soon.
When I teach goals in class, I use the SMART concept. Love it.
Totally concur with your three reasons on why goal setting is valuable. I also have two big problems with goals setting, and again, I’ll have to save that for a separate post.
Thanks, my friend! Bret
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Hi Bret,
First – I got a kick out of your admission of INTP preference. As a qualified MBTI practitioner, I say – yup! You got that right!
Second – loved the story of the marathon goal and the final statement that “the pleasure is in the pursuit”. Which goes to Wally’s comment about people resisting goal setting.
Some of my clients resist goal setting. Most do not. The reasons that they are willing to do so may have to do with emphasis on the process we use.
- We call it “action planning” (rather than goal setting). I never underestimate the power of naming something, and I don’t think the words “action planning” are lost on clients, who like you, feel the pleasure in the pursuit. Goals are the overarching umbrella of our work, and they are set and declared before anything else is done. But the focus is on the action – always. I know, and my clients know throughout the months we work together, that the goals are there, and we have great faith they will be met. We rarely discuss them once they are declared (in writing, below). Emphasizing action is so much sexier, real, and satisfying. “The goals” can feel heavy, weighty, ominous,and so much in the future that they actually become a barrier to success.
- Whatever we call it, what many people need is accountability. And that accountability often works best when it is in the form of a manager, peer, mentor or an executive coach to take the individual’s goals seriously. This person or persons are willing to ask on a regular (usually scheduled) basis, “how are you doing on improving your xxxx?” – whatever specific(s) that may be. My clients and I engage many stakeholders in dialog about their plans on a regular basis to assure accountability and successful outcomes.
- Putting plans to paper is more important than some might think. Declaring,in writing, the goals, action steps, target dates, and even barriers and how they will be overcome – is an extremely powerful way to create commitment. Even (especially?) for achieving personal goals. Once on paper, it is shared with stakeholders, and regular feedback requested from them on what they are observing.
So, by the time someone has put all of the work above into a written document and gained the input of stakeholders – they are usually quite committed! And success with those first few action steps are powerful in gaining confidence to continue and ultimately meet goals.
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Bret L. Simmons Reply:
August 12th, 2009 at 5:59 pm
Yes, I have admitted to being an odd duck.. I mean INTP
There are GREAT comments, Mary Jo! Concur that rhetoric matters, as does having a written document. Also strongly concur with the accountability piece. But what does is say about an individual or her goals if an external source is needed to provide real accountability? I would love to know your thoughts on this.
Thanks so much for the time and effort you put into this! You always add value wherever you show up, and you are always welcome here.
Bret
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I like you statement that “Commitment to a goal provides a sense of purpose and control”.
I totally agree with it.The very process of goal commitment puts us on a self discipline track, to take charge of things and to be more responsible for the outcomes. Its a great learning curve in itself and through our experiences our goals become clear and goal accomplishment keeps getting better.
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Bret L. Simmons Reply:
August 12th, 2009 at 6:01 pm
Harini – totally concur about the need for self-discipline. For me, the more aligned my actions are with my purpose, the more easily discipline comes. Thanks!! Bret
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Excellent post and great conversation.
My friend Stephen Shapiro wrote a wonderful book on the topic of goals called Goal Free Living. Here is a link.
http://www.steveshapiro.com/books-and-articles/goal-free-living-book/
One of my favorite points that he makes is “Use a compass not a map.”
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Bret L. Simmons Reply:
August 12th, 2009 at 6:02 pm
Susan – thanks for the link to the book. It does indeed look very interesting! And thanks also for taking the time to visit and share. Bret
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Hi Bret,
Your question: “…what does is say about an individual or her goals if an external source is needed to provide real accountability?” was perfect because it got me to think about something I hadn’t considered. The interesting thing is, that most of the people I work with are highly motivated. I don’t believe the use of an external source for accountability indicates something is wrong. Here are some thoughts. The external source:
- may provide encouragement for the goals to be achieved more quickly. Many of the goals my clients set take an inordinate amount of courage.
- may help with the “how”. Even though someone might know “what” their goals are, an external source can help with “how” to achieve them.
- may be simply a “thought partner”. For those of us who are extraverts and “think out loud” (or open mouth, engage brain),which is always helpful.
Is there anything you’ve found in your research or reading about motivation that addresses the issue of “external source”?
p.s. Interestingly, introverts often tell me that they think and think and think…..and then maybe they act. In which case an external source might be helpful in moving to action faster.
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Bret L. Simmons Reply:
August 12th, 2009 at 7:17 pm
Thanks for getting back to me on that, Mary Jo. You know there may be some stuff out there in that big ocean of research to address your question, I’m just not aware of it off the top of my head. And I certainly here what you are saying about needing help. My main concerns are how much does someone really desire the goal if they need external help to achieve it? Maybe they really need help better defining their goals. And I am always concerned about creating dependency in relationship.
Thanks so much, Mary Jo!!!! Bret
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Alicia Gardner Reply:
August 13th, 2009 at 12:38 pm
Wow, Mary Jo hit the nail on the head for me in her “P.S.”. I consider myself to be somewhat of an introvert, and this statement is right on. For example, a certain external source motivated me to begin writing a blog that I had been thinking about writing for years. I’m unsure if the need for external motivation indicates a lack of self-motivation or commitment to particular goals. I would be interested to do some research on this for my blog however, as I feel the answer my help people that struggle to commit to them.
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Bret L. Simmons Reply:
August 13th, 2009 at 12:48 pm
Alicia: Mary Jo offers such sage advice, and your comment helps me appreciate it even more. Your blog is AWESOME by the way. Please keep it up. Thanks!!! Bret
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